a lesson on waiting for HIS timing

I am going to be really transparent for a moment and share that, as of late, a lot of my prayers have been about pregnancy. Brenton and I have decided that we are ready for children in God's timing. Apparently, this is easier said than done. I have found myself pleading with God about it, mostly because I am terrified I wont be able to have children. My reasoning for these fears are mostly illogical but stem from the fact I had ovarian cysts when I was a teenager. I have read Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." I have studied Philippians 4: 6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." But for some reason I am still controlling, nervous, and anxious about getting pregnant. Why am I am struggling so much to hand this over?

I will admit that this is not the only category I have struggled to hand over control. We are closing on our first home on Wednesday, but the event of putting an offer in and waiting was really stressful for me. Maybe it's a lack of trust I have for His plans for me or maybe I'm convinced I can make everything happen on my own. Neither option am I excited to confess.

I am hoping that through this (what is suppose to be exciting and not stressful) time, I can see this as an opportunity to grow in my trust. I will continue to remind myself that HE is a loving God, HE does have a plan for me & it is sufficient, HE hears my heart's desire and my longing to be a mom, and HE will bless us with children when HE sees fit (and I will not panic if it doesn't pan out the way I thought it would!)

Lord, please have grace & patience with me!

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