I'm Bitter, what's your name? | #SheSharesTruth

I'm currently working on the SheReadsTruth "Book of Ruth" study. Today is the day we are asked to SHARE truth. This is my first crack at this.. bear with me. These are the thoughts I have gathered. Some of this may sound familiar if you read my last post, but it's a good thing to hear more than once. :)

My husband I have experienced infertility. Poked and prodded with needles, pee tests every morning, let downs every month. When being a mom is something you long for, and it just wont happen, it's a heart breaker. And my heart breaks for those who have also experienced this.

There came a point when I get really frustrated and my faith was challenged. I felt like God had forgotten me or given up. I even thought He was feeling like I didn't trust Him enough, therefore I didn't deserve a blessing like this. I know. Dumb.

I became bitter. Towards God, towards my husband, towards my friends who just didn't get it.
I had to let it go.

If you have never read the book of Ruth, let me quick set the scene for you. Naomi was married to a man named Elimelech. They had 2 sons named Chilion and Mahlon. Elimelech died, leaving Naomi a widow and her 2 sons married. Chilion married Orpah and Mahlon married Ruth. About 10 years later, both of Naomi's sons died leaving her with her 2 daughters-in-law. She chose to move back where she is from: Judah. She tells her 2 daughters-in-law to go back home but that is when Ruth tells her "where you go I will go, where you stay I will stay" (Ruth 1:16-17). Orpah turned around but Naomi and Ruth kept moving towards Bethlehem. Naomi had become so overwhelmed by her circumstances (the loss of her husband and 2 sons) that she told people to call her "mara" which means "bitter" instead of "Naomi" which means "pleasant".

Naomi felt like her circumstances were too overwhelming and she could not see the other side of that dark tunnel. Because of that, she calls herself bitter. Naomi had given in to the weight of her circumstances. They were just too heavy. So she let it define her.

I have felt this way a time or two. I can relate to letting a struggle define who I am and who I will always be. It feels like the current situation will never get better and that it is what will define you for the rest of your life. It is a scary place to be and from what I have learned, extremely unproductive. What we learn from Ruth and Naomi is that God is sovereign and nothing happens outside of Him. If you read on in "Ruth" you will find that she meets a man named Boaz who provides a life for both of them and shows great mercy. God has a good plan for our lives and along with that plan comes good names.

Some names I am familiar with (when working through tough situations) are: worthless, untalented, forgotten, invisible, and weak. This is what I choose to call myself. But the truth is that God loves us NO MATTER WHAT, and He calls us: beloved, worthy, redeemed, beautiful, and child. Even when our grip loosens on Him, He tightens His on us. "We are not named by our circumstances. We are named by our good God."

Not only was I frustrated by the fact we couldn't get pregnant, but that I had a lack of faith about it. I had no faith regarding my faith.

Too often I let circumstances steal my joy. (Joy and happiness are two different things by the way. Happiness is a mood determined by circumstances and joy is a state of the heart regardless of circumstances.) When you get to a place of choosing joy, the world seems a little brighter and a lot less intimidating. No one and nothing can take that from you.

Life is hard. An easy life is not something that is promised to us when we choose to follow Jesus. But what is promised to us is that we are treasured possessions (Exodus 19:5), that God will provide for us and meet our needs (Matthew 6:31-33), that God is our peace (Ephesians 2:14), and that His love for us is not based on our love for Him (1 John 4:10). It is so refreshing to accept these truths.

I have given God control of my future babies. Like I ever had control of it anyway. Yeah right. I have let go of past mistakes and hardships. I'm choosing to leave what is in the past stay in the past. And I let Him name me rather than life's circumstances.

If you have never read the book of Ruth, I recommend it. If you have never cracked open a Bible, this is a good place to start (it's the 8th book in the Old Testament). Its only 4 short chapters and it is a story of redemption, faith, loyalty, trust, family, and mercy.

If you are interested in joining in on the next SheReadsTruth study: "Sermon on the Mount", visit their website www.shereadstruth.com


  1. I was lead to your post by the link up and immediately I prayed for you and your husband. In the blog world it seems like I come across so many lovely ladies in your situation and it breaks my heart. It is so inspiring how you use your faith to give you strength and surrender to His plan. It's so nice to feel like we have control but also so obvious that we do not. I hope that you never lose that joy and I pray that good things will come your way.

  2. I popped in here from the She Shares Truth link up. I can so relate to your post, not for myself, but because two of my daughters have struggled with infertility. My first born and her husband struggled through ten years and 3 miscarriages. They now have a five year old daughter and a two year old daughter. What miraculous blessings! My second born and her hubs adopted biological siblings, a sister and brother. They, and all of us, were happy and felt that God had completed their family. After 13 years of marriage and never conceiving...SURPRISE!...they have a six week old son. All that to say this, there was no heartache like seeing my daughters' pain month after month, year after year. I actually began to lose hope, but then God said, "now is the time" and it happened. Praying that your "now is the time" comes quickly. (I have two younger than me blog friends that were infertile, and now they have two children each!)

  3. Praying for you and your husband as you long to hold a child. I have been there and struggled with infertility. Pee sticks, charting temps, timing "love" just right....I feel for you both. While I don't have a happy story to share as I am still without child and know that it for God's will after having a rough road of personal issues, I encourage you both to pray and to NOT lose hope. I had to redirect my focus and went to college to be a nurse which had been one of my desires since being 18. I put that dream off in hopes of being called Mommy. I am now a nurse, but I am not a Mommy, and though I still have days where I long to hold a child, I am ok with not holding one (again...personal issues). I pray The Lord blesses you both with a child that you can train in the way he/she should go. There are many positive stories so do not lose hope! :)


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